What brought me and my boyfriend to New Zealand, they ask? Well apart from my own quintessential "lostness" and desire to run from the makings of what my life was going to become, I applied for a working holiday visa, took my love by the hand and said "Follow me". And he did.
Before we were sitting at Heathrow Airport, sick with nerves waiting to board a flight to Auckland, New Zealand, I was living my own mundane nightmare. Or I thought I was, until recently I realised that perhaps it was other people's judgements of my life and my own self-image that made me feel like it was mundane.
I had made good friends in the UK, had a job, which was by no means challenging...But I worked with a great bunch of English builders, who would boost my confidence daily and I worked with an even better Irish compadre, who happened to become my mentor and close friend, even though she had not signed up for it. I got paid and spent my money on myself.
I found love with a deep, insecure chef who is the bestest friend a girl could ask for. His compacity to forgive and cater (what he does best) for my every need never fails to surprise me.
That's how he ended up in Auckland, New Zealand.
But for some unknown reason, my life in the UK was making me unhappy. I missed my friends and family back in South Africa (and Namibia) daily and I missed my boyfriend as he was working over 70hours a week. Even though we lived together, we hardly saw each other and when we did, we were both tired. People who were close to me but who were not physically near to me and my life, at the time, began to worry.
An old best friend of mine mentioned that she thought, "I should do more with my life" (even though she was hardly running for President- but she was happy) and my Father (who lives in South Africa) would say "Dont get stuck there, Love" and my mother (who lives in Turkey) said " I dont want you to look back on your life and regret it". Three people closest to me had all thrust these words onto my current situation and it stung like a bee.
What did everyone expect of me? Had I let myself down? Was my unhappiness so clear to people? What exactly did these three people want me to do with my life? What did I want to do with my life? Was my current life and situation really that bad?
I cant tell you the answers to any of these questions. I just knew I needed to get out. Get out and think. Or get out and learn. Like my Irish friend once said "Hindsight is an important thing" and to have hindsight, you have to leave something behind.
And so now four months down the line, we are still in Auckland, New Zealand learning things about ourselves and although I cannot tell you what will happen next, I know in my heart I am happier and wiser.
And this is how I got wiser. They love me a lot. They worry about me.They will always want the best for me. But at the end of the day, I'm living my life how I need to and I probably wont ever live up to their expectations because I have my own or none. My father also once said to me "The most important advice I can give you, Love, is: Make Yourself Happy."
And that's what I'm trying to do.
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